I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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