I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Found the puke drawer
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
