he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
