When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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