i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
two words: eviction party
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
