I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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