I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
