What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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