I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
