I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
