Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
