Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Randomize
