Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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