can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
