We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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