i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
