this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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