did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
