Whod you bang
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
