A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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