Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
