i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
