I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
