shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
