JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
