hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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