it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
