Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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