literally had 100 drinks last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
