Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
