oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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