Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
