Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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