a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
