Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
