You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
this beer tastes like vomit already
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
