And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
