no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
