Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
