I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
As shirtless as possible
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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