i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
