where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
