Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
