I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
