I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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