Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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