Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
