Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
we're making bets on your personal life
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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