There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
