Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Randomize
