from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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