I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
