new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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