Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
