No stitches, just platelets and will power
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
