RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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