did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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