At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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